10 signs you fly too much

AKA, you might be a jaded old queen if:

1. You're in First Class, you're neither sick nor hungover, and you decide not to drink even though it's free because, y'know, you're not in the mood for a drink. And because a couple of free $3 bottles of Tanqueray shouldn't make you as excited as August Gloop on the chocolate factory tour.
   

   

   seriously

2. You don't bother opening the onboard amenity kit because you have half a dozen of them sitting in a box at home, you've got all your preferred products in your carry-on already, and under most circumstances no one really appreciates a gift of "Here's the travel kit from a trip you didn't go on, in a class of service you'll probably never get to fly… Enjoy!"
3. You're in First and you skip a free onboard meal because you're not hungry (or you're trying to manage your jetlag). Because nearly all airplane food – even in First – is basically just hospital food on better plates. (OK, ANA First is probably the only real exception to this)
4. You don't bother visiting the lounge even when your ticket could get you in. Most of the domestic carriers' lounges are crowded, noisy, and don't have free meals or free drinks or clean toilets so why bother?
5. You're on a first name basis with the gate staff. The first time it happens you feel glamorous, by the fifth time you realize that you need a different job.
6. You've had enough air pressure-related splatters that you FINALLY have muscle memory to instictively point foil-topped condiment containers this AWAY from your face and clothes before you peel the top back. How many times did I show up to my meetings with salad dressing all over my shirt?
   

   

   splatter hazard!

7. You're booking a flight and you already know the plane type and your preferred seat number without even looking. Sigh… I'll always have such fond memories of row 9 on the old United PS planes. These days 2A on JetBlue Mint if I'm traveling alone or 5D and F if I'm with my husband. We actively avoid United and American.
8. Your friends call you to double-check their flight bookings before they click the final "buy" button. You'd like to think it's because they love your expertise, but in reality they just don't want to listen to you lecture them for half an hour if they "do something stupid". 
9. You've got status on two different airline alliances. If you've read anything I've written on this blog, then you know you'd better have earned those with your employer's money (or through a status match).
10. When you've checked your bags (and ergo only have your laptop bag with you) and you suddenly realize that boarding last is actually the best luxury.